Extremism and Anxiety, Does Being Anxious Lead to Extremist Behavior and Mal-Content?

Dear Readers,
I was trying to gain some insight to how my actions throughout my life has correlated to my anxiousness. All of my life I have been the typical "all or nothing" personality type. To use poker terminology for those of you who play; I was either all in or I left my chips beside me and refused to mix it up with the rest of the table. Life was either black or white, but unfortunately life isn't usually black or white, it's typically grey with shades of black and white.
Whether it was in my career as a day trader or my love life, even my hobbies. I was either going to invest all my time and resources into what I was pursuing or I would just give up; not seeing the joy in landing somewhere in the middle. Anxiety comes as a result of wanting what we don't have and not having an immediate way of achieving our dreams without focusing on what we have in our hands at the moment.
Anxiety is a result of frustration and we seek blame in everyone but ourselves. Someone is always at fault and we are far too perfect to actually see the fault rests with us. We are the cause of our anxiety. Granted that is a hard realization to come too, but if we are to come to grips with our anxiety we must stare into the mirror and be completely honest with ourselves. When we are able to look at our lives as a reflection of our own actions we will gain much more than insight, we will be able to breakdown our lives and brew a simple remedy of success and better health.

Living life by only seeing the ends that justify the means is not really to live at all.
For example, if you are thinking about going to the gym. You start to workout and you have this image of what you hopefully will look like after all your hours of effort. However, it's your first day and you go through your workout, come home sore as all hell and have to find the strength to go back the next day. Your standing in your bathroom after a hot shower and start to flex into the mirror as if you were about to get ready to pose for the Mr./Mrs. Universe contest.
Day after day you do this and you don't see immediate results, your not living up to that poster image of Arnold Schwarzenegger and are getting frustrated when the results aren't in par with your expectations of yourself.

You begin to question your efforts and decide that since the results aren't immediate your just gonna call it quits. If your like I used to be, you will probably drop the dumbbells and find the nearest Dunken Donuts and scarf down a nice ice cold french vanilla coffee and some Boston cream donuts.

WRONG WRONG WRONG!! The goal of exercise is to benefit your state of mind and body and with each workout, whether you see the results or not, you just took a huge step to a better life and a better state of mind. You can relate this attitude to a multitude of life events and activities we take part of everyday. The ends don't have to justify the means to live a better life because life exists in the means by which you live it.

Be grateful for every experience you take part of. Whether it be as simple as sitting around and surfing the web or working at a soup kitchen feeding the homeless. Everything we do every moment of our lives has a effect on the people and the world around us. Show gratitude and love for the things in your lives and you will be a better person for it. You will see your anxiety start to dissipate and you will feel genuinely happy.

We always play the role of the victim and we need to let go of all that resentment and frustration and replace it with appreciation and contentment.
We can either find pieces of our lives that make us unhappy and ponder the countless ways to change it or we can look at each day as an opportunity to better ourselves and feel better about ourselves. I hope you readers out there heed this advice because I know it to be true. I wish you all the best and I would love to hear your thoughts. Good luck and better health to all of you.

SMILE AND THE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU!!
_The People_

No Easy Solutions!!

Dear Readers,

What is the answer to finally getting rid of these anxiety attacks. I'm staring into this computer screen right now gasping for air. You come to a point where you don't know how much longer you can bare this feeling. Suffocating yourself in your thoughts and fears, although on a conscious level you tell yourself over and over again that it's not real, that you can't be feeling these feelings. How much longer can a person bare the isolation and suffocation caused by this debilitating disorder.

I'm actually writing this article in the midst of an anxiety attack. The reason I actually started this blog was in the hope of relieving my anxiety attacks by expressing them on paper. The idea being that maybe a transference would take place where if my anxiety was being expressed in my writing that it would be released from within myself. It seemed to be working for a little while. Recently though it has resurfaced and it seems as though I'm not making anymore headway. I'm hoping as I type these words I regain some of the comfort that I used to feel.

The other day I felt great, and by that I mean just calm. I was able to take a full breathe unconsciously and just felt my mind and body at ease. I think most people seem to take that simple reality for granted. Up until recently I was probably one of those people. Of course I suffered many anxiety and panic attacks over the years, but with time the attacks seems to have gotten worse and leave me feeling more desolate and alone.

I was feeling optimistic when I started to take Lexi pro, thinking that finally a simple medication would make everything OK again. Although I felt my anxiety dissipate, I experienced very strange side effects like a really bad tingling sensation in my arms and occasionally I felt very light headed, so not wanting to trade one disability for another, I cut the medication off after only 5 days of use. I HATE THIS FEELING!!!

I do start to feel better when I write!! The goal of this blog is not to share my personal stories and feelings with you, to be honest, I don't really care if anyone of you out there read this. I do this to feel better and treat my own anxiety. I read so many articles about how people tell you that you can stop your anxiety attacks right away, those people probably never even suffered from anxiety because there is no simple solution!! try and write your feelings when you feel an attack coming on. Maybe it will help constrain some of your anxieties.. IT REALLY DOES HELP!! GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!!!

_The People_

Isolation Anxiety

Dear Readers,

I think the one thing that most people who don't suffer from anxiety fail to understand is just how debilitating and isolating anxiety and panic disorder can make someone feel. I went to see some friends of mine over this past weekend, one of whom also suffers from anxiety.

That same day he told me he was having anxiety attacks and wasn't able to remove himself from his bed. I thought the best thing I could do as a fellow victim of anxiety and as a friend was to go and visit him; thinking that maybe having some company would help to alleviate some of those attacks. Like the old saying goes, misery loves company.

The funny thing is when I started to speak to him about his attacks, he tells me that I can't really understand what he was going through and that I have no idea how he feels when those attacks strike. I understand the competitive nature of people, but do people with the same disorder really have to compete as to who has it worse.

When these attacks strike, the immediate feeling we all get is that nobody has it as badly as we do. I have been a competitive person my entire life, whether it be in sports, board games, cards, school. I always tried to strive to be the best I could be. Often times if I saw that failure was right around the corner I would probably just jump ship and leave it at that. Never in my life did I feel that I would have to justify how debilitating my illness was, especially not to someone who suffered from the same disorder.

However, when panic sets in, we will seek out anyone who will listen, for me it doesn't matter if they can empathize or if they suffer from the same problems. I lay in bed, tossing and turning, my heart begins to race and i realize that I'm in the midst of a panic attack. There is only so much comfort turning the TV on and watching the same old re-runs can do to alleviate my pain. It's 3am and not another person within a mile of me to talk too. My mind races and I pray that I can find a way to relax. Sometimes I will call on family when there is nobody else, because they maybe the only ones willing to pick up the phone in the middle of the night to listen to my suffering.

It scares me to think that this is what my life has become; an endless and vicious cycle of insomnia and fear. During the day we can find a myriad of distractions to help deal with our anxiety, but once the curtain of darkness sets in and the moonlight is our only audience, our anxiousness is amplified by the silence and we yearn for a friendly calming voice to make it seem OK.

When i choose not to burden my family and rob them of a well deserved night sleep. I actually call upon my friends who live in a different time zone, preferably a few hours back, so that I don't feel like I'm intruding on their sleep as well, at least not as badly. After keeping them on the phone for several hours, i finally exhaust myself and find my way to sleep.

It's a tough burden to bare, but maybe we are strong enough to handle it. Although I know I would very much like not to have to carry this burden. I would love to hear from my readers as to how you deal with your insomnia, who do you turn to in times of panic? how do you find ways to calm your restless souls?

_The People_

Procrastination Anxiety. Does the longer we wait to do something makes us more anxious?

Dear Readers,

I am a natural procrastinator and I have been for as long as I can remember. I eat my breakfast at lunch time, I used to do my homework for class while the teacher was taking attendance. No matter how large or daunting the task, I can't remember a time in my life when I actually took the initiative to start a project right from the onset. It's probably one of my defining characteristics.

Lets not confuse tardiness and procrastination, I never had a problem with deadlines, but my rationale was that as long as the work gets done, who really cares when you start. Remember, it's not how we start, it's how we finish.

That cliche just happens to work for me, but isn't that the point? I was giving this idea some thought today and wondered have all those years of procrastination catered to my anxiousness?

Lets break this idea down to it's simplest form. Assuming today you get assigned a project that isn't due for two weeks. You decide there are just other things going on that seem to take precedent and you say to yourself as I would " There's plenty of time to get this done, I'll just hold off for a little while."

That's how it all starts, but really what we are doing when we say this to ourselves is:

I'll keep this project in the back of my mind, so that i have something to keep thinking about. It's like these little ghosts that haunt our minds and every so often until we actually take the initiative to start, they keep haunting us; thereby giving us additional things to worry over.

I don't see myself changing anytime soon, but I know that I can be more conscious of the things I have to get done. I can't say that procrastinating is all bad, it has taught me to work under pressure like a champion. I can knock out a 20 page paper in an hour, clean my house as if i were the Tasmanian devil. The bad part is, it doesn't slow us down, it just makes the adrenaline which causes our panic attacks and anxiousness to become that much more prevalent within us.

I think the idea is that if we pace our actions, we pace our thoughts and therefore we would decrease the likelihood of feeling anxious. We can slowly train ourselves to do things in pieces and avoid "the rush" which occurs when we feel that time has gone by and we have no more choices. Than all we are left with is consequences and it's either you sink or swim at that point.

I know it will be difficult for me to retrain myself to do things in stages, but I'm working on that right now and overtime I think that will help to reduce some of my anxiety. I would love to know from all my fellow procrastinators on this issue. Does procrastination lead you to be more anxious?

_The People_

I am who I am, Being Social with Social Anxiety

Dear Readers,

We grow up in this world with an enormous desire to be accepted by our peers, colleagues, classmates and relatives. It starts for us all as it did for me by asking my parents for that cool pair of jeans that everyone in class was wearing.

In my day it was Z cavaricci jeans, they were quite in fashion when I was in junior high school and you just weren't cool with out them. Being that my parents were immigrants, they thought a pair of sweat pants and a bowl haircut was fashionable enough. Luckily they grew out of that mentality over the years.

I begged and pleaded for that pair of jeans, just so that I wouldn't be looked at like a social leper. Finally they gave in and got me a pair, I wore them out of style, just matching the same pair with a different sweatshirt, pair of socks and the same bowl haircut. I did anything I could think of to disguise the fact that I only had a single pair to my name, not considering that I was lucky enough just to have a pair at all.

It was just so important for me to fit in, and while it seemed that everyone at school knew who I was; which wasn't that hard when you stand 6'0 feet tall in the 8Th grade, i still felt alone and isolated and not as "cool" as the other kids. Maybe that was the beginning of it all for me. The fact that i had this desperate need to be accepted and wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

It's this constant need to feel accepted by others which keeps us from being who we really are and are born to be. We put on a facade to the world around us and fail to be proud of our differences; whether good or bad, nobody has the right to judge us. We keep hiding all our best kept secrets about ourselves instead of standing up and shouting out what makes us unique in character and spirit.

It's only in time that you start to realize that it's the differences that we demonstrate in our character and personality that makes us special. When I say special, i don't mean it in a negative and condescending way, I mean it distinguishes us from the crowd, that's where we should all desire to be. Eventually those who we share commonalities with will enter our lives and appreciate and admire us for who we truly are.

It took a long time and courage to tell someone that I suffer from anxiety, it took just as long to be able to admit it to myself. I was worried that I would'nt be seen in the same light and be considered to be less of a person. I didn't say it to gain sympathy, I did it to finally hear the words and make a vow to myself to suppress it and find a better coping mechansim. Popeye says " I am who I am" , that's all any of us should dare to be!! Have any of you readers out there ever felt that way?

_The People_

Cannabis, Friend or Foe?

Dear Readers,

For some of us in this world, including myself, we at times have flirted or even had long term affairs with the "green monster". We all have different reasons to find a means of escape, whatever the means we choose, we seek to feel differently than we do for the vast majority of our routine existence.

Whether it be a meager social endeavor amongst friends or a means to search for a different perspective. I have my reasons and I'm sure you have yours. I'm not judging your actions or trying to justify my own. The point here is to explore the feeling we get when we do give into these temptations and try to evaluate the effect it has on us.

I have scoured the net in search of some articles that talk about the relationship of cannabis to anxiety. There doesn't seem to be any clear cut answers and a vast amount of contradictions. I found a quote from Cecillia Hillard, a pharmacology professor from the Medical College of Wisconsin. She says

"One of the reasons humans use marijuana is because it reduces anxiety. On the other hand, the reason most often cited for stopping using marijuana is that it causes anxiety."

My personal feeling is that we smoke because we enjoy it. In the midst of a panic attack, I don't think to myself, I wish I could smoke a nice joint right now to make myself feel better. We aren't idiots, we realize that it takes a clear perspective to rid us of our ailment, sure it would be nice if a joint could serve as the cure to rid us of our anxiety and alleviate our pain. That obviously isn't realistic.

The point here is people, don't toke up to feel better about yourself. If you don't feel comfortable without smoking, your not going to feel that much better if you do smoke.

The professor made a valid point, but failed to state the obvious. We are all humans, but were not all the same. We think, act, and react differently to different stimuli. If we were all the same, there would be no need to address this topic.

One day we can toke up and feel great, personally I get some of my best ideas while riding the "green monster" but sometimes I feel downright uncomfortable and socially awkward; those are the times I get off the ride and wait to jump on another day when I feel I'm in a state of mind to handle it. The best thing we can all do is close down the amusement park, but to each his own.

I don't make the rules, I just live by them and occasionally break one or two. I would love to hear from you readers, share some of your experiences and tell me how you escape your daily reality. I look forward to your responses.

_The People_

Hibernation Anxiety: Does it pay to be alone with our thoughts?

Dear Readers,

The onset of an anxiety attack can strike at any moment. It's been my experience that whenever i find time to let my mind race in all different directions, i tend to start feeling a bit anxious. If im not out hanging with friends or doing some work, or distracting myself with some leisurely activity. I find myself alone with only my thoughts to keep me company.

I obviously can't speak for all of you out there, but i do know that by not distracting myself in a constructive manner, i start to ask really deep thought provoking questions. Am i on the right path in life? Are my friends really genuine? Am i really exploring my full potential? Will i ever find my soulmate?

You would be surprised where the mind can take you if you let it. At some point you have to stop yourself and do as Dr. Lucipher (referred to in my previous article) would tell you to do. "JUST BE" Try to stop yourself from thinking so much, stop yourself from asking questions that you will not find an immediate answer to.

I know it's easier said than done. BELIEVE ME I KNOW!!

It's either we gain control of our lives and emotions or we let it overtake us and drown us in our sorrows, fears and contemplations. If you start feeling anxious as i do when these moments occur, you can try one of the following: Call a friend, read a book, take a walk. As often spoken by every health professional across the planet, exercise is a great way to relieve stress and let go of our immediate anxieties. Maybe grab a punching bag and unleash your frustration that way. Dont take my advice to mean that you should become a vigilante and find yourself seeking trouble in the wrong places.

WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU IS A GREAT IDEA!!

JUST DO SOMETHING!! Anything you do to take yourself out of that moment of meaningless contemplation will help ease your anxieties. As long as we continue to bottle up our problems, we are going to remain their victim. By no means is thinking a crime! i've always been keen on philosophy and trying to figure out the world around me, but there are better ways to deal with our concerns than just asking questions.

If you are going to question yourself constantly, atleast spend more of your time thinking of possible answers, because an unanswered question just creates doubt and frustration and there are just better things to do with our time. Tell me readers, how do you relieve your anxieties?

_The People_

Cynicism and Anxiety, Is Ignorance a Panacea for Pain?

Dear Readers,

The last few weeks I have been dealing with an onslaught of panic attacks which seem to manifest themselves at night. According to an article I recently read; 50% of all panic attacks occur at night. Apparently they just love to ruin a goodnight sleep.

In attempting to combat my attacks head on, I decided to forego a night of tossing and turning to go spend time with one of my nocturnal friends. He isn't nocturnal as a result of being anxious like the rest of us, he just likes to stay up late and shoot the proverbial shit.

When we think of our friends, we think of them as people we can turn to in time of need. Whether it be a few kind words or just to share acouple of anecdotes and some laughs. However, we always know there are sub-categories for the friends we take on in our lives. There are those people that we can just count on to have a good time with and kick back with some beers and talk about numerous topics. There are also those friends that are the ones we seek soul searching advice from, and others that are purely cosmetic and don't equate to more than a mannequin at a department store.

This friend imparticular fits into a completely new category and doesn't fit the mold of any of the previously mentioned sub-groups. He's the friend that can make me feel like like utter crap and makes sure to point out every one of my flaws, indiscretions, and shortcomings (not that there are many). He's like the FBI of hell.

You're probably asking yourself: "why would he hang out with such a person?" I promise you that I'm not into any S&M and I don't get off on being insulted and ridiculed, but in a way I find his attitude to be therapeutic. He doesnt pull punches and offers me a fresh and cynnical perspective on combatting my anxiety.

His basic premise that he felt obliged to convey to me was to "just be", and if your anything like me, your sitting there wondering if this person got caught in a time warp; somwhere perched upon the mountain tops of ancient Greece spewing philosophical ideologies. It took me a moment to give some genuine thought to what he was saying. His other comment which is worth mentioning and discussing was that anxiety doesn't really exist. It's a fallacy created by our subconscious (need i remind you he is not trained nor does he work in a psychology related field) and therefore can be easily cured with sheer ignorance.

I thought to myself, Maybe ignorance is bliss? I sat there in his kitchen pondering his ideology while at the same time grasping the back of my head trying to rid myself of these "pseudo" muscle spasms that were tugging at the back of my neck.

Should any of you readers find yourself with similar pains, I learned a great way to release tension from your upper and lower spine. If you apply pressure (just enough to cause you some discomfort) to the lower half of each ear, you will release tension from your upper spinal region. By applying pressure to your upper ear you will similarly relieve tension from your lower spinal region. Much to my surprise this technique worked, unfortunately i was taught this technique the following day.

I sat there staring at my friend who kept rambling on with his innovative theory. Feeling amazed and confused at the same time I listened very carefully to everything he was saying. I wasn't about to miss these words of wisdom. Could it be that i found the answer to a question that has been plaguing millions of people worldwide?

After he went into stop and repeat mode as he often did when spewing his theories, i wondered if it were at all possible to mentally manipulate ourselves out of a disorder or any pain for that matter? Granted, the mind is a powerful tool, capable of incredible feats. Was i that strong? Surprisingly I started to feel the pressure in my neck dissipate and was able to grasp a continuous full breathe. I thought he was onto something. Has Dr. Lucipher; my cynnical buddy and confidant cured me of the anxiousness and panic that had such a dynamic presence in my life for the past 14 years?

Well, later that night circa 3am as i was laying in my bed with the heat turned up to a comfortable 73 degrees and with the aid of two blankets on top of wearing a hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants. I started to feel a very real chill run through my body as my hands clammed up and my headache returned for an encore performance. Sleeping was just not in the cards for me, even with the help of a very real xanyx tablet. I didn't get to bed til 5:30am.

Now, i know that i wasn't really cold nor were my headaches real, not according to my buddy. They sure felt real and I felt out of control in a completely tranquil environment. I kept trying to tell myself to calm down and there was no reason to feel panic. So, either my friend was completely ignorant of the reality of suffering from anxiety and panic disorder or he has yet to have a similar experience. For his sake, i hope he continues to live blissfully in the land of unawareness.

My thoughts are that the world we live in is real and the way we react to it is just as real. Like most people who tend to lecture on the unknown, I offer you this pearl of wisdom: Don't offer simple solutions to complicated problems. For you readers out there who live in reality as i do, reach out and share your experiences and offer your insights. I await your thoughts.

_The People_

Welcome To My World

Dear Readers,

I know there are many people in this world like myself who have suffered and continue to suffer from panic and anxiety disorder.

According to my therapist approximately 1% of the US poplulation suffer from anxiety and about 1 out of every 100 people suffer from panic disorder.

This pscyhological imprisonment entered my life around the age of 17 while I was a student at a prep school in NY and has continued to be a part of my daily struggle at my current age of 31.

Like most kids during that time I was an active participant in scholastic activites, playing varsity sports, playing saxaphone in the school band. I hung out with friends, and cut an occassional class or two. In retrospect, I had a fairly normal scholastic experience. In fact better than most. However, I was constantly being told by my teachers and school administrators that I wasn't "living up to my potential." If these words have ever been directed towards you, you are thinking, "what the hell does that mean?"
How can we ever know our full potential? This thought provoking question nestled it's way to my very core and made me a prisoner to my thoughts and began my perilous search of "the potential" that my eductors, coaches, therapists and relatives have been trying to get me to discover ever since. I have still yet to find those answers, but instead those questions created a prison of self-doubt, fear of failure, and physical torture in which my mind is my warden and isn't a very merciful one at that. Anxiety is mentally debilitating and exhausting for anyone who has had the slightest experience of having to give a public speech; to a much more chronic and severe disorder which keeps you awake at all hours of the night, manifesting itself through migraines, difficulty breathing, restlessness and countless other physical impairments.

I decided to write this blog and share some of my experiences with you because those restless nights that you and I have spent trying to calm ourselves down while there wasn't anyone around to listen is finally at an end. I am writing this blog to share my pain and experiences with you and hope that you have the courage to share yours. I am not a therapist, nor do I have any clinical experience in this field. I am someone who suffers from this illness and I can empathize and listen in the hopes that we can heal each other. At a minimum we can all know that we aren't alone in this world and we dont require prescriptions and therapists to help us. Though they are a benefit, they aren't enough to find a solution. In fact if we all just sat around and waited for science to find a miraculous cure while breaking our bank accounts, we might just find ourselves in a much worse predicament.

Perhaps words are the cure, and maybe letting them out in a forum such as this is just the solution, or at least a positive step towards living an anxiety free life. I look forward to your responses and a better and brighter future for us all. Im starting to feel better already!!

_The People_