Dear Readers,I came to the harsh realization today that on the track field of life, I'm definitely a sprinter. All those people around me who can just take life day by day and run a marathon, and don't care to know where the finish line is, well, that's just not me. I needed to know where the finish line was before I even got to the race, and Ive been that way for as long as I can remember. It was a very difficult reality for me to come to grips with because everyone around me tried to get me to realize that life is a marathon and comes in steps and stages. I was always the one to chase the larger piece of the pie and never was happy settling for crumbs. The problem wasn't in the slice of pie, the problem was in wanting more and it never seemed to come fast enough.
Now that I have come to grips with this reality, I have to be able to accept the terms and try to figure out a way to make them work for me as opposed to against me. I feel like I have enough adrenaline pumping through my veins to propel a rocket to space and not being able to find an outlet to release this superfluous energy leaves me restless and thwarted. Now I have a better understanding why every night when I lay down to bed, I find myself rocking back and forth; unable to lay still and enjoy a calming transition to sleep. Instead I require a xanyx tablet to sedate me and bring me to a point where I feel relaxed enough just to go to bed.
The Anxiety that you and I feel partly comes as a result of not being content with who we are and confused as to why the world around us refuses to change to accommodate us. However, the people who require bending just a bit is us. We are like a puzzle piece that would fit perfectly if only it weren't for that one edge that you wish you could cut to make the accommodation. Lets be honest, you and I both know the entire puzzle just wouldn't look right if you were to do that, so we seek tirelessly for the right piece.
It can be a daunting and overwhelming task to De-construct our entire personality so that we can feel more adequate to our surroundings. What if we didn't have to change ourselves completely to find serenity, what if we only had to change a fraction to feel exponentially better. Then perhaps we wouldn't feel like we lost a sense of who we are and have always been. What if changing 5% of the way we do things can yield us a life that can eradicate those anxious feelings. Maybe we don't have to sacrifice ourselves and deprogram ourselves to a point where we don't recognize ourselves anymore.
My suggestion is that you appreciate who you are, and if your a sprinter like me and live the world in the left lane and aren't satisfied just coasting by and eating crumbs all your life. If you insist on passing others by and aren't afraid to risk getting a ticket. All you have to do is make sure you have a radar detector. I hope you get the metaphor and if you don't let me simplify it for you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get to where your going as fast as you can, but just take precautions and be ready to deal with the consequences.
_The People_
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2 comments:
Great article. I feel that as you grow older, you tend to settle into your surroundings. Coming to terms with your timing failures in life is just the beginning. After that it's sort of letting go to your fate, whatever it may be, even if unknown at the time. Takes a little bravery and alot of believeing in yourself
I know that anxious feeling, but not as intense as yours. I call it "the Buzz" becuase it feels like something is going to happen very soon. I choose to think of it as a good thing or a series of good things on it's way to me. Have you tried taking up running or jogging to calm yourself down before going to bed? I know if I did that, I'd pass out until someone woke me up. :-) Just a thought.
Mary
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