I am who I am, Being Social with Social Anxiety

Dear Readers,

We grow up in this world with an enormous desire to be accepted by our peers, colleagues, classmates and relatives. It starts for us all as it did for me by asking my parents for that cool pair of jeans that everyone in class was wearing.

In my day it was Z cavaricci jeans, they were quite in fashion when I was in junior high school and you just weren't cool with out them. Being that my parents were immigrants, they thought a pair of sweat pants and a bowl haircut was fashionable enough. Luckily they grew out of that mentality over the years.

I begged and pleaded for that pair of jeans, just so that I wouldn't be looked at like a social leper. Finally they gave in and got me a pair, I wore them out of style, just matching the same pair with a different sweatshirt, pair of socks and the same bowl haircut. I did anything I could think of to disguise the fact that I only had a single pair to my name, not considering that I was lucky enough just to have a pair at all.

It was just so important for me to fit in, and while it seemed that everyone at school knew who I was; which wasn't that hard when you stand 6'0 feet tall in the 8Th grade, i still felt alone and isolated and not as "cool" as the other kids. Maybe that was the beginning of it all for me. The fact that i had this desperate need to be accepted and wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

It's this constant need to feel accepted by others which keeps us from being who we really are and are born to be. We put on a facade to the world around us and fail to be proud of our differences; whether good or bad, nobody has the right to judge us. We keep hiding all our best kept secrets about ourselves instead of standing up and shouting out what makes us unique in character and spirit.

It's only in time that you start to realize that it's the differences that we demonstrate in our character and personality that makes us special. When I say special, i don't mean it in a negative and condescending way, I mean it distinguishes us from the crowd, that's where we should all desire to be. Eventually those who we share commonalities with will enter our lives and appreciate and admire us for who we truly are.

It took a long time and courage to tell someone that I suffer from anxiety, it took just as long to be able to admit it to myself. I was worried that I would'nt be seen in the same light and be considered to be less of a person. I didn't say it to gain sympathy, I did it to finally hear the words and make a vow to myself to suppress it and find a better coping mechansim. Popeye says " I am who I am" , that's all any of us should dare to be!! Have any of you readers out there ever felt that way?

_The People_